An ATHEIST ...
...was taking a walk through the woods.
What majestic trees!
What powerful rivers!
"What beautiful animals!" he said to himself.
As he was walking alongside the river
he heard a rustling in the bushes behind him.
He turned to look.
He saw a 7-foot grizzly charging towards him.
He ran as fast as he could up the path.
He looked over his shoulder and
saw that the bear was closing in on him.
He looked over his shoulder again,
and the bear was even closer.
He tripped and fell on the ground.
He rolled over to pick himself up
but saw the bear right on top of him,
reaching for him with his left paw
and raising his right paw to strike him.
At that instant the Atheist cried out:
"Help me God!..."
Time stopped! The bear froze!
The forest went silent!
As a bright light shone upon the man,
a voice came out of the sky:
"You deny my existence for all of these years,
teach others I don't exist,
and even credit creation to a cosmic accident.
Do you expect me to help you out of this predicament?
Am I to count you as a believer?"
The atheist looked directly into the light,
"It would be hypocritical of me to
suddenly ask You to treat me as a Christian now,
but perhaps could you make the BEAR a Christian?"
"Very well," said the voice.
The light went out.
The sounds of the forest resumed.
...And then the bear dropped his right paw,
brought both paws together
and bowed his head and spoke:
Lord, bless this food,
which I am about to receive
from thy bounty through Christ our Lord,
Amen!
posted by starbender at 9:32 AM
11 Comments:
No matter how many times I read this, it's still funny.
It is funny, isn't it? I get a good laugh!
:)
This is really funny but you are insane to believe in something as ludicrous as a higher being. Go read a physics book and learn this for yourself.
alloutoftime4u-
funny-I think it is ludicrous 2 base everything around U on physics!-it's man-made!
Go study up on Intelligent Design--Then come back and chat!
;]
I liked your story, even thought I still get eaten by the bear. If you want to talk about the arguement from design, I think it was never really science that caused it problems. It was David Humes "Dialogues concerning Natural Religion" that pointed out its real faluts.
Judas Penrose
Poetry Politics and Piracy
Then the atheist got his gun out and blew the bears brains across the beautiful forest.
God's little insects and microbes, which he individually created by the way, then got to work eating the bear's insides out. God's microbes particularly liked eating the shit from the dead bears carcus - well, God made microbes to love eating dead bear shit while it was still warm. I guess He's a bit sick that way.
Is this the same God which sent his son to earth who then promoted slavery (as it says in the Bible, anyway)?
Just asking.
Judas~Don't let the bear at U. have a little faith!
simon~I think there were already slaves long b4 Jesus show'd up!
Kornfedrednek~Awwwww! It is all in fun, honey! I'm just trying 2 give the young fellow a different take on things! I truly mean no bad!
;]
I think slaves were around when Jesus showed up, too. I'm just surprised he told them to behave themselves and be good slaves. You'd think Jesus would be angry at the slave-owners, but he wasn't. Quite the opposite.
It's almost like he was just an ordinary peasant from the middle east, wouldn't you?
I am having fun, by the way...
Look at me laugh :D
And the moral of this story is: Christians may dress up their behavior with pretty words, but they're just as likely as any other people to be predators, and if you fall into the hands of a Christian, it is foolish to expect any mercy on account of his religion.
For who ever said that they will prey for my soul to be saved, save your time, energy, and what ever else it is you can save by not preying. i believe in what can be proven, nothing more and nothing less. i just don’t understand all of the intelligent people that believe there is something in the clouds when science has proven all it is is water condensed around dust.
God is nothing that human perspective, it has been within it’s boundaries. God is simply a metaphor for the expansive world and it’s indenting retrospect of this vicarious dimension. Do not pray for the eyes of past memories recall the footsteps the broken seraphim had been thrilled to excerpt. I will be crucified, for her sins, and non that relate to you; furthermore, life feeds on life. Begin to drift afloat of the heavens and the pondering knowledge of the lights. Remain to hide yourself from the absurdity of tragedies and it’s liking. Remain as those whom been kissed by industry, it’s your kind of story.
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