Noah and His ARK...

It is the year 2006 and Noah lives in the United States.
The Lord speaks to Noah and says:
"In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover
the whole earth with water until all is destroyed.
But I want you to save the righteous people and
two of every kind of living thing on earth.
Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."
In a flash of lightening, God delivered the specifications
for the Ark. Fearful and trembling, Noah took the plans
and agreed to build the Ark.
"Remember," said the Lord, "You must complete
the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."
Exactly one year later, a fierce storm cloud covered
the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult.
The Lord saw Noah sitting in his front yard weeping.
"Noah", He shouted, "Where is the Ark"?
"Lord, please forgive me!", cried Noah.
"I did my best, but there were big problems."
"First, I had to get a permit for construction
and your plans did not comply with the codes."
"I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans.
Then I got into a fight with OSHA over whether or not
the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and floatation devices. "
"Then, my neighbor objected, claiming I was
violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark
in my front yard, so I had to get a variance from
the City Planning Commission."
"I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark,
because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect
the Spotted Owl. I finally convinced the U.S. Forest
Service that I needed the wood to save the owls.
However, the Fish and Wildlife Service won't let me
catch any owls. So, no owls!"
"The carpenters formed a union and went on strike.
I had to negotiate a settlement with the
National Labor Union. Now, I have 16 carpenters
on the Ark, but still no owls."
"When I started rounding up the other animals,
I got sued by an animal rights group.
They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard."
"Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA
notified me that I could not complete the Ark
without filing an environmental impact statement
on your proposed flood."
"They didn't take very kindly to the idea that they
had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the
Creator of the Universe."
"Then the Army Corps of Engineers demanded a map
of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a globe."
"Right now, I am trying to resolve a Complaint
filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission
that I am practicing discrimination by
not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard!"
"The IRS has seized all of my assets,
claiming that I'm building the Ark in preparation
to flee the country to avoid paying taxes."
"I just got a notice from the State that I owe
some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark
as a "recreational watercraft."
"Finally, the ACLU got the Courts to issue
an injunction against further construction of the Ark,
saying that since God is flooding the earth,
it is a religious event and, therefore, unconstitutional."
"I really don't think I can finish the Ark
for another five or six years!", Noah wailed.
The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine,
and the seas began to calm. Even a rainbow
arched across the sky.
Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you
aren't going to destroy the earth, Lord?"
"No," the Lord said sadly.
"The government already has!"